3rd week into the job

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

10:17 PM | 5 Comments

i'm barely surviving.

my hands are numb now. i feel like a mummy with my hand movements restricted.

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this is how badly "wounded" i am just from filing *wails*
there's another cut on my ring finger but i ran out of plasters.

and this is only the left hand, wait until you see the right one.


i'm maintaining my right hand plaster-free for now because i can't afford to lose both hands at once!

my fingers can't move as quick as usual with all the band-aids tying them up :(

now i'm typing and holding my sterring wheel in a very cacat-ed manner. i look stupid.
i feel stupid.

it really hurts now because i can't plaster all the cuts and whenever my hands brushes on a surface i feel a stinging pain.

as if my poor fingers are being tortured and sliced by a blade.


IT FREAKING HURTS.


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my work station.
free of files because i chucked them away.
if you look closely you'll be able to see my lunch...i've been munching on them for the past few days.

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i filed everything inside them.
each consists about 25 files inside.
THAT'S LIKE A WHOPPING 300 FILES!!!!!
and there're still more files in the cupboard next to this.

filing has made me feel so brain dead.
my hands are bruised and filled with paper cuts now.
and today was the last straw...three weeks of clearing up all the back logs...and they just keep coming...
the moment the thick blue file sliced my thumb i froze.
blood started to trickle...then the pain came.
and then i crashed.

i can't take this anymore.

files are making me emo.

I'M EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE BECAUSE OF THESE IRRITATING BLUE PAPER FOLDERS!

damn you files for frying my brain.

i hate you.



thank you, eve, for calling the moment you sensed my distress... i was on the verge of tears when i heard your voice...i just miss all of you so much...



depressed @ 2.12 p.m






*******************************************************

edited:

this post was blogged during my lunch hour, i'm so deprived of interaction that i'm communicating through my blog now :(

thank you wurn, bi and sean for giving me my happy meal. it feels so good to see you peeps after so long.

i really needed a night out with my friends.

sulking all the way home, i found another surprise sitting on my laptop when i entered my room...


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KAWAAIIIIIIIII~!!!
a pink hello kitty usb mouse!

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on a very unrelated note, as promised from my previous post, a pic of my glowing logo with my blings blings!

anyways, two weeks ago, my parents and i went to 1u to catch a movie and we saw these really adorable usb mouses in a shop.

at that time i was particularly attracted to this one because it had hearts and flowers imprinted all over it! i was complaining to my dad about how my optical mouse at home was malfunctioning and i was considering of getting a new one.

but in the end i didn't get it because it costs about RM100...ridiculously pricey even for an imported mouse...

and daddy bought it for me today =)

even after 2 weeks, he remembered.

i love you daddy.

************

and as i was about to conclude this post my phone rang...i went out... and came back with a bag full of biscuits. meiji biscuits. a variety of them. my favourite biskees from jap.

all because i've been ranting that i have no more food to munch on in the office. and i told you that last week.


thank you...thank you all for brightening my day *hearts*

dear bed

Monday, June 1, 2009

8:57 AM | 6 Comments

you know how every little object in life contains a fragment of your memories?

like how an eraser would remind you of your silly childhood games,

an airplane would make you recall your dream to become a pilot,

or a keychain would bring back memories of how you first saved money to buy something for mommy.


my bed harbours memories of my childhood.


the bed i'm sleeping on now, it has been with me since primary school.

painted in a pretty shade of pink and white, it came with matching furnitures - a study table and a closet.

all in white with a little dash of pink to give it a girly look.

i remember the day we went shopping for them. dad and mom brought us both to choose our new bedroom furnitures. before that we slept on mattresses on the floor with my maid. and before that we had double-decker beds.

the place was filled with beds... and more beds. it was a playground for both of us. but i knew i wanted this set when we playfully sat at the table pretending we were studying. it just felt right.

they were perfect too, they came in two shades, pink and green.

so we bought them.

when i was young i shared a room with my brother. we kept each other company in the weirdest way.

throughout primary school we were both very lazy. major sloths. especially when it came to homework. so most of the time we'd spend the day out playing or watching tv and panick about homework when it's time to go to bed.

and then we started this weird habit...

of waking up at 1 or 2 am in the middle of the night when everyone was asleep to start on our homework.

i'd usually set the alarm and wake my bro up when it rings.
we would both scribble in our books until 3 a.m then we'd go back to bed. happy and contented.

when work got dull, we'd switch homeworks!
how cool is that? lol!

a 3rd grader attempting a 5th grader's homework while the 5th grader handles a 3rd grader's exercises.


how we survived primary school, i really don't know.


we used to fight alot too, nasty WWF moves from my brother. i hated wrestlers then. bah.

there was also a time when i was singing in the middle of the night cause i couldn't sleep and my bro was screaming for me to shut up.

i continued to sing every single song that zoomed past my mind,
until he threatened to punch me.

we annoyed the hell out of each other then.

but as we both grew older we had to switch rooms, that's when my bro shifted out and i started to share a room with my grandma.

the sibling set of furnitures had to part too.

and later on my bro moved on to college and stayed in a hostel.

i remained at home with my darling bed. i missed annoying him. i missed doing nonsense on sunday mornings and i missed the april fool pranks we pulled on each other early in the morning just cause it's stupid april fools.

it's funny now when i think back and imagine how it used to be. everything seemed to look so huge back then. now my closet is over-cluttered, i've outgrown my bed and my study table is so crammed it's used more as a storage than a table ever since i entered uni.

it's finally time to replace them.

their place will be taken over by a whole new set of furnitures, furnitures that i need now for my size...and my shopping capabilities *ahem-hem*

funny how we put sentimental feelings into objects around us.

it's the last week i'll be sleeping in my bed.

the bed that grew up with me,

the bed that kept me safe from harm,

the bed that gave me comfort and warmth when i needed it,

the bed that accompanied me throughout my tears and laughters all these years.

you've seen me at my worst,

you're still what i crave for every night when i come home.


so i sit here and look at you now,

and smile at the memories you help unfold.


i hate this part right here

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

8:12 AM | 3 Comments

i hate that i'm being forgotten.

i hate that i'm so insecure.

i hate that i let you define me.

i hate that i feel so helpless when i'm alone.

i hate that every sense of happiness slips away so quickly after one day.

i hate that we can never reach a consensus.

lost. that's how i feel now.

bitter and lost.

an answer. is all i need.

just one word. to make me feel safe again.


i hate myself now.







... all we do is linger...
...slipping through my fingers...

goodbye

Monday, May 18, 2009

2:43 AM | 5 Comments

... seems to be the hardest word.

i'm bidding my freedom goodbye.

i'm bidding my afternoon naps goodbye.

i'm bidding my bumming ass goodbye.

missy is officially starting work as off tomorow =)

I'll be working in an mnc company located in Kota Damansara. not going to disclose too much information here but i'll tell you if we happen to meet up/catch up :D

working hours are from 9 to 6. i can no longer sleep at 3 am and wake up at 2 pm. finally my life is in order again. aaahhh.

it's funny how i've been looking forward to get a job, to feel productive or to feel as if i'm occupied. this one year of bumming has made me restless, aimless and lonely...since everyone else is busy with work, except for me =(

but now that everything is confirmed and i'm starting work tomorrow, i feel...reluctant.

VERY reluctant to leave my comfy zone.

i wonder if everyone feels the same when they started their first job?

suddenly i miss uni life so much.

no more blackberry or iphone days for me.
the pay was good.
damn it.
sigh.

i'll try to update about my aussie trip when i can, preparing to party my last night of freedom for now :p

letting go...eventually

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

9:28 PM | 6 Comments


因为太在意你， 结果失去了自己。。。
我决定放手了。。。让自己再呼吸

let me let go this time, will you? =)

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now that i've got that off my chest, here's a little update about what i've been reading lately.


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adorable sial right!??

i bought this book before i boarded the plane to aussie. thought it would make a good companion during sleepless nights or long bus rides but have only gotten about to read it after i got back.

the movie arrived in the cinemas earlier last month and i watched it before i read the book.

needless to say, i cried during the movies.

i started tearing before john even reached the part where marley collapsed for the last time in the book because i knew what was coming.

my heart thawed and i dreaded to flip to the next page.

the book is still on the table where i left it. it was difficult...but i've already braced through the part where he had to let marley go. next, would be chapters of loss and grief.


sigh.


we, humans, are surprisingly vulnerable when it comes to our pets.

i'm not sure if i have the courage to do the same when the time comes.

maxine has been with me for 5 years now...this year will be the sixth =/

when maxine first came i used to keep a diary to record her everyday activities, these were the first two entries...original and unedited:

"Nov 29, 2003, 3:31 PM

Bought maxine home on the 26th, little fella simply pee and poo make me mop the floor the whole day. At night that time she cried like there's no tomorrow and this continued for another night until my pa came up with a method to keep her quiet( just hit her house with a loud 'KONG" then she'll keep queit, at least for a while till she gets the message)

Now's the 3rd day maxine's been here. lil fella likes to explore everywhere and she learnt how to climb the stairs but doesn't know how to come back down.
her left hind leg is limping a bit. i'm afraid she might have hurt her leg when she tried to jump up and down the stairs.
Took her to the vet but the vet said that she's perfetly fine and asked me to observe her for another week. will be bringing her back to the vet for her 2nd jab next week.

Maxine also loves to sleep on my thighs or in between my thighs when i sit with my legs crossed, guess that she wants some body warmth. but most of the time she'll just sit on the marble floor, wonder if it's ok for her to sleep on something so cold?
and she loves to eat newspapers too, which i think is kind of like a big problem."


haha omg i can't believe i used to write like that when i was in form5!! and lol my dad used to "KONG" her...no wonder she doesn't like to sleep in the house =/

anyway, here's entry 2:


"Dec 1, 2003, 11:45 AM


Maxine finally peed at the right place!! wa....after all these days training her now i feel so proud. accidents still happen but whenever we sit beside the newspaper and say 'potty' she'll come over and do her 'business'.

later, i'm gonna bring the lil fella to have her 1st bath after a whole week! we couldn't bath her for a week cause the doc told us not to.

lil maxine still cries in the night. maybe cause she wanted to poo but she didn't wanna do it in her house. so tonight i might be camping downstairs with her so i can let her out to poo and put her back to sleep. hope this works cause my parents haven't been getting any sleep lately.

After being with her this few days, i found out that my lil fella has 4 type of modes:-

1st is the explore mode, she'll walk and climb all over the house and sniff sniff everywhere. Whenever she walks around she'll turn round n c if i'm following, then she continues running around.wonder wat this means? (hide and seek gua...)

2nd is the lick mode, she'll lick ANYTHING. toes, fingers, floors, carpets...u name it.hope all the licking won't upset her stomach though. especially licking floors...

3rd is the bite mode, she'll bite anything she walks into: fingers, toes, her own house, carpets. i think she might be changing her teeth so i gave her my teddy bear to bite.

last but not least- the sleep mode. Whenever she's sleeping NOTHING can wake her up, not even food. guess all the playing and exploring had worn her out.

the lil fella's sleeping downstairs now while i'm typing away hehe, better go check on her."


LOL!!
i was so noble i gave her my teddy bear to bite!! xD
the diary was written in the most simple and straight forward manner. makes me sound like some 3rd grader. iiisssshhh.

i posted the entries in a puppy forum and later on saved them into notepad files. these were the photos taken during then.

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chang chang~!!
in case you didn't know, her full name is Maxine Chua Soo Chang.
yesh, she's family =)

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she did this alot when she first came. now she's just too big to balance on my thighs lah. sad.

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my teddy bear.


omg, i luuuuurve her to bits la. *sQuISSHHH*

i know the day will be inevitable...so i'll make sure that for now we will create many many happy memories together =)

lil fella is sleeping downstairs now, gonna go check on her ;)

a random conversation

Thursday, April 9, 2009

11:17 PM | 5 Comments

i've been trying to put off blogging for quite a while because it scares me everytime i open my photos folder and see like 1000++ photos and i don't know which one to upload and where to start T___T

but now that it's raining outside, it reminded me of an entry that i actually wrote on a rainy night in Sydney.



- 8 March 2009 -


it was drizzling when we decided to head out.

we were cruising down the roads of Sydney's city slowly, the amount of rain fluctuated now and then with every few blocks.

soon, it turned into a downpour.

what a night to visit the harbour bridge.

after we parked, ju came out with the brilliant idea to use the car shade as an umbrella. the moment we jumped out of the car, both of us held on to the sides of the shade and hurried down the steps to the nearest restaurant that overlooked the harbour.
with the huge shade opened above our heads, it looked as if we were parasailing...on ground.

the place ju chose was perfect. with only the restaurant upstairs operating, the spot where we decided to dock was closed and empty.

the shade we used was left on the table to dry while we were busy trying to snap pictures of the ghostly looking opera house and harbour bridge. by now the rain was so heavy it created a silverish silhouette around both buildings.

things looked so different at night. i was used to seeing postcards and visiting these places during the day that i had no idea it would look so captivating at night. ju said it lookes even more so because of the heavy rain.

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the best shots i got with my cacat-ed camera during the rain.


the wind at the harbour was blowing so fiercely we were both splattered with rain. it was impossible to walk back to the car. there was a point where the wind blew so strongly that the shade escaped both our grips... and smacked ju squarely in the face.

i was still babbling on when i abruptly realized that ju's face was momentarily replaced with a car shade.

poor ju ju.

as we sat there and chatted, a friendly old guard came to check on us. he knew that we were stuck there because of the rain and allowed us to stay on until the storm blew over.

guard: "Not locals aren't you? Where are you from?"

me: "Malaysia! Have you been there?"

guard: "No no, not much travellin. What is it like?"

me: "It's a tropical country, not as cold as aussie"

ju: "She's not used to the weather here, and it's raining."

guard: " LOL! are you very cold??"

by now it felt like i was stuck in a freezer and every gust of wind stung my skin.

me: " It's cold. VERY." *shivers*

guard:" Aahhh...I know why.

huh?

it's because your boyfriend is far away from you."

and with that, he chuckled and continued his rounds.


what a heart-wrenching way to put it.


i like random conversations with random people. it gives you a whole new perspective sometimes.

i am feeling empty.

and i think i will be, for quite a while.


- imm @ 2 a.m. -

flying solo

Sunday, March 1, 2009

5:59 AM | 4 Comments

i is leaving the country.

i is going to kangaroo land.

i is going to be very homesick :'(


i'll be flying alone to Sydney this coming wednesday... and i don't know when i'll be back... yet.


that's because i'm still undecided. haih.


it was initially a 10 day trip to Sydney but now missy is given a choice to go to Adelaide and Melbourne as well.


5-15th Sydney

15th-19th Adelaide

19th-22nd Melbourne


how ah?

do you think I'll make it without dashing home by the 15th cause I'm too homesick??


too many things have happened these few months, it makes me want to take refuge at home... but I've been looking forward to this trip for so so long.


everything also wrong timing eh? :(


i need the courage to step out...
so. badly.

About

animals. dancing. food. friends. shopping. travelling. all the things she likes. and everything about her.