people have always warned others against knowing the truth, that some things are better left unknown.
if the truth hurts it's always better to bury it and never let it surface again. then you will be happy. then nothing can harm you.
i wish i was so easily satisfied.
i'm the worst digger you would ever meet. i would dig regardless if it's raining or sunny. even if i have to use my own hands until it's bloody and scarred. because i have to know the truth, nothing but the truth.
and so i found out about the lies.
about the things happening behind my back,
about the deceitful acts,
about the truths that were denied blatantly in front of me. until this very day.
it is heartbreaking...when the most cruel reality slowly unravels infront of you.
that he was a pathological liar. and for all these time i've chosen to believe in the lies because they were sugar-coated with other lies. i chose to ignore the tears i cried every week. i chose to keep quiet about his lies even though i knew about them.
all because i truly believed that he would never hurt me intentionally.
it has now left me bitter and lost,
for i no longer know what is true.
the early naps were probably late night outings with the multiple hers...
the lack of money was probably cause it was used on the outings...
the hardworking image was probably a fake to create hope...
the caring nature was probably an act to induce sympathy...
and the love i felt was perhaps... never love.
i've been manipulated from the very start.
but this is what i needed to know, even if it's painful and suffocating, even if it would cost me my self-confidence, even if it would result in tears for endless nights, i have to know.
because then, i can finally let go.
p/s: mas, i'm not suicidal =.=
this post is a closure to all the drama that took place last month...i know my previous post made those close to me very worried. this is the latest update about the relationship...and it will also be the last of it.
it was painful to type this post...so people who read this..please spare me the trip down memory lane again. i appreciate your concerns, but a mortal heart can never bear to relive the memories again and again. i love all of you who came for me. i really do. but just give me time to let go slowly...i may feel worthless and ugly now...but i'll be ok. i will be :)
if the truth hurts it's always better to bury it and never let it surface again. then you will be happy. then nothing can harm you.
i wish i was so easily satisfied.
i'm the worst digger you would ever meet. i would dig regardless if it's raining or sunny. even if i have to use my own hands until it's bloody and scarred. because i have to know the truth, nothing but the truth.
and so i found out about the lies.
about the things happening behind my back,
about the deceitful acts,
about the truths that were denied blatantly in front of me. until this very day.
it is heartbreaking...when the most cruel reality slowly unravels infront of you.
that he was a pathological liar. and for all these time i've chosen to believe in the lies because they were sugar-coated with other lies. i chose to ignore the tears i cried every week. i chose to keep quiet about his lies even though i knew about them.
all because i truly believed that he would never hurt me intentionally.
it has now left me bitter and lost,
for i no longer know what is true.
the early naps were probably late night outings with the multiple hers...
the lack of money was probably cause it was used on the outings...
the hardworking image was probably a fake to create hope...
the caring nature was probably an act to induce sympathy...
and the love i felt was perhaps... never love.
i've been manipulated from the very start.
but this is what i needed to know, even if it's painful and suffocating, even if it would cost me my self-confidence, even if it would result in tears for endless nights, i have to know.
because then, i can finally let go.
p/s: mas, i'm not suicidal =.=
this post is a closure to all the drama that took place last month...i know my previous post made those close to me very worried. this is the latest update about the relationship...and it will also be the last of it.
it was painful to type this post...so people who read this..please spare me the trip down memory lane again. i appreciate your concerns, but a mortal heart can never bear to relive the memories again and again. i love all of you who came for me. i really do. but just give me time to let go slowly...i may feel worthless and ugly now...but i'll be ok. i will be :)
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