Dear Dogs and Cats (Author Unknown),
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with
each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your
food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help,
because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl
up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize
space used is nothing but sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the
edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine
attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs' butt. I cannot
stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.
To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door...
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1.They live here. You don't.
2.If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3.I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.
4.To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is
short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
5.Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money
all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive
your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink,
don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes,
don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you
can sell the results.
i looooove the last part about the rules thingy. so so so true.
so those who might visit my house in the future, please read the rules stated above before you even lay a foot in my house.
if you dare complain about my darling pooch you'll get kicked out of the place and i'll send my baby after you. *evil grin*
do not underestimate her,
the word "stop" or "surrender" does not exist in her dictionary.
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with
each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your
food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help,
because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl
up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize
space used is nothing but sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the
edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine
attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs' butt. I cannot
stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.
To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door...
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1.They live here. You don't.
2.If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3.I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.
4.To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is
short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
5.Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money
all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive
your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink,
don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes,
don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you
can sell the results.
i looooove the last part about the rules thingy. so so so true.
so those who might visit my house in the future, please read the rules stated above before you even lay a foot in my house.
if you dare complain about my darling pooch you'll get kicked out of the place and i'll send my baby after you. *evil grin*
do not underestimate her,
the word "stop" or "surrender" does not exist in her dictionary.
Posts
0 comments:
Post a Comment