Blogger Notes

it's amazing how simple words can be used to attack a person.

when i was in high school, there was once my friend approached me with a sly smile and told me:

"you're pretty"

i was shocked by his sudden statement.

when i wanted to reply him, he then added:

"ugly."

string the words together: you're pretty, ugly.

imagine how i felt then.

it was meant to be a joke but try to imagine all the mixed feelings i felt once i heard his statement - humiliation, shame, sadness.
if it wasn't a joke my self-esteem would have plunged straight down to the pit.
after that, the boys repeated this trick on every girl they met just to see the reactions of the girls...
sickos.

these kind of situations are not rare.

another example would be like:

"you have beautiful blue eyes, but are they fake?"

so tell me, is the person being praised or do you sense sarcasm?

these are what we call put-down statements; specially designed to attack your poor little heart.

in class, i learned that such statements usually come from parents.
surprised?

examples:

I don't understand why you do these things.

How could someone with your brains and background do such a thing?

You should know how i'm suffering.

You never tell me what you're thinking.

Oh good, you did your homework today. Why didn't you do your homework last week?

don't all these sound so familiar??
i bet it does.

my personal favourite from my mom:

"You can ask me any word you don't understand from your english exercises."

when i tried to ask her, she YELLED at me:

"Why do you have to ask me? EAT the DICTIONARY!"

how helpful of her.
apparently i was disturbing her while she was watching wah lai toi.

so back in my class, my lecturer made us brainstorm ways to alter the statements.
it's simple, all you have to do is to be polite and not directly blame the kid for the mess.
instead, try telling the kid how you felt because of what he/she did. use the "i statement"

examples:

I think what you did was for a good reason, but i don't understand why. So could you try explaining it to me?

I felt worried when you took the car last night without informing me.

I would love it if you would share your thoughts,

I feel confused about the situation, could you help me understand?

I'm happy you finished your homework today. Keep up the good work.

see, easy-peasy right?
if parents would only try to be polite and understanding, their children will surely listen and trust in them.

well, sad to say but this also applies to all of us as well.
if you've said such things to people close to you before, try to change.
it won't kill to be polite, will it?