the girl who sat next to me

Monday, April 26, 2010

8:07 AM | 4 Comments

the first day of form three was not a day to look forward to.

i was afraid. nervous. nerve-wrecked.

why am i being pooled together with these bunch of geniuses?

how i landed in a class of champions, i have no idea. maths wizards, modern Shakespeares and walking dictionaries filled my class.

frantic, i looked left and right in search of a familiar face.

that's when i saw you.

"shall we sit together?" you asked timidly with a smile.

your first words to me that year brought the first smile to my face at the beginning of the semester too.

and that was how we begin our journey of a year sitting next to each other.

given the difference in our intelligence level i guess i was pretty lucky to have you beside me in the best class. i remember thinking to myself that you're inhuman. how can one study so hard and score like you. you were my best reference source...and as time passed you became my best friend too.

i remember the time when you told me Kelly was your favourite singer and we both marveled at her MTVs

i remember how you would cry to me when xu bullied you all the time

i remember the time when a bee flew in and you pushed my chair with me on it to the other end of the classroom

i remember how you always told me you would mix milo with nescafe every night before exams just to stay up late to memorize all the texts

i remember the time you cried because you carelessly missed out a page in our maths exam. i thought it was silly, but strangely i wanted to cry together too.

i remember how you would always have the right answers to every question

i remember how we always waited after class together to go for house practice

we both sucked at exercise. i thought at least that was the one thing we had in common.

i remember how you were the only one who would sit with me in class patiently and assisted me with my tuition homework

i remember the time i scored and you cheered for me

i definitely remembered the time when i sneaked a bite in class and the teacher called upon me, the next thing i know you stood up and answered every question directed to me and ended up being scolded by the teacher because she said she didn't call your name.

i remember...remember...and desperately try to remember

everything about us. everything about you.

your smile, the way your hair is naturally golden brown, your laughter...everything is still etched deep inside my memories.

and here i am, clawing...grasping on to every single memory i had with you.

i thought we had the chance to create more. i thought the scholarship would only part you from us for the time being. i thought the dwindling phone calls was a phase of life when everyone's too busy.

and now i can't get to you anymore.

how i wish that the phone will ring and the caller ID will tell me you're back for holidays again

how i wish we could catch up on old times

how i wish we could talk about our dreams and the boys we liked.

how i wish that we could just speak again.


im sorry i wasn't there.

im sorry for the pain you went through.

im sorry i allowed time to distance us.

im sorry i took your existence for granted.


i miss you. so badly it hurts.

my heart aches you left like this.

i would have given my everything to protect whatever is it that was hurting you.



now you're gone...

and i'm left here wondering what could have been.



wherever you are dearest Shyn Lyn, i wish you love...and peace.

you will always be remembered in my heart. forever and always.



goodbye, my friend.

Letter to self

Monday, October 19, 2009

9:48 AM | 0 Comments

when the world betrays you and your self esteem sinks low,

it is important to remember all the little things around you that makes life beautiful.


i was told that it felt great to be greeted by my smile in the morning.

i have wonderful colleagues who will jump to my aid without me asking.

i was complemented on my effort. something i haven't felt after feeling unproductive for so long.


when negativity surrounds you and you feel like giving up,

all these little gestures are what it takes to help you move on.


i'm still healing... but i'm not going to give up on hope.


chins up girl. i <3 you.



love,
your silly self
xoxo

fallen

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

10:01 AM | 3 Comments

you broke me.

and i allowed you to.



and now i can't fix myself. i just can't anymore.

my super cool taxi driver

Thursday, June 18, 2009

9:59 PM | 6 Comments

i didn't pay much attention to him as i was getting into the cab.

crisp black shirt. malay. that's all that registered.

as the taxi started moving, i passed him my ticket and mumbled "PJ" as i continued to talk into my phone.

10 minutes later, i hung up and looked to the front.

130 km/ph 0_o

then he turned around and asked me in PERFECT CHINESE:

"ni zhu na li?" (where do you stay?)

me: "YOU SPEAK CHINESE??"

him: "wo hui jiang hua yu" (i can speak chinese)

me: *obviously embarassed* "erm...ss2"

him: "kao jin taman bahagia lrt ma?" (is it near tmn bahagia's lrt station?)

me: "fu jin. wo direct ni" (it's near. i'll direct you)

and then both of us fell into silence again.

he looked young, now that i observed closely. can't be past 26.

the taxi looked like it was modified. the meter board was different from a normal waja's and there was a long metal chain hanging on his rearview mirror.
hooked on the chain was a very stylo-mylo white-rimmed sunnies.

at that point we reached the toll. i plucked up my courage and asked him the stupidest question:

"are you chinese?"

again, he replied me in perfect chinese:

"wo shi ma lai zai" (i am a malay boy)

i laughed.

because it sounded so funny!

and then he started laughing too and explained to me that he studied chinese when he was in primary.

me: *SUPER IMPRESSED* "your chinese is good!"

him: "i practice whenever i can with my chinese customers."

and we started chatting, all the way with his simple, yet perfect chinese.

me: "you look young, how old are you?"

him: "i'm 23"

WTH? he's the same age as me!?

him: "born in the year of 86 la"

me: "you're the same age as me!!"

him "oh you can be my girlfriend!"

....

him: "ok, just kidding"

LOL.

and then we started talking about his life as a taxi driver.

me: *points at meter*
"that's fast you know."

him: "normal speed la. everyone who drives an airport limo has gotten into an accident before!"

SWT.

me: "are you serious?"

him: "i just had 2 accidents today!"

OMG.

me: "WHERE?"

him: "one on the highway and one in PD. the motorcyclist in PD flew from his bike LOL!"

me: "aren't you suppose to be scared?" =.="

him:" scared la. send him go hospital, didn't die."

me: "Oh."

and then he told me that he jinxed his meter so that it's 20 km/ph slower than the actual speed.

THAT MEANS HE WAS GOING FREAKING 150 KM/PH NOW!!

and. he's. YAWNING.

wtf wtf wtf.


me: "are you sleepy?"

him: "haven't slept in 24 hours."

ZOMG.

me: "WHY DON'T YOU SLEEP!?"

him: "no time la. need to get customers."

i prayed so hard that he won't nod off T____T

me: "you're so young, why are you a taxi driver?"

him: "i've tried everything la, didn't like it."

me: "what did you study in college?"

him:"diploma in business admin"

me: "you have a diploma and you're a taxi driver?"

him: "i CAN'T STAND office work! and i did sales too, didn't work"

me: "so what you planning to do once you earn enough here?"

him: "open my own travel agency ahaha"


that's when i felt so much respect for him.

here's a guy from a small town with a diploma trying his best to live his dreams in a big city by working his ass off day and night without even once giving up or going astray like all those mat rempits.

and here we have degree holders too pampered to work and leeching off their parents, poor people who blame the rich and rob them, college/university graduates who are too proud to take on jobs they deem low and insignificant.

he reminded me of what's it like to chase after your dreams.

me: "eh, you want branded coffee?"

him: "WHAT?"

me: "STARBUCKS COFFEE. FOR FREE."

him: *eyes widened* "want want want"

i rummaged through my bag and opened my notebook.

there was a starbucks voucher slipped inside on the first page, i took it out and waved it at him.

me: "GO DRINK YOUR COFFEE. don't bang anyone already okay?"

him: "haha okay."

and with that i hopped off and strolled back into the arms of my welcoming house.


i think i learn more from talking to random strangers than from work...no?

i'm starting to miss my blackberry days... when every customer came in with a different story.

i am so not cut out for office work :(
sigh.

random nonsense and work

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

7:06 AM | 0 Comments

DON'T...ask me about work when you see me, unless you're ready to hear long grandmother story.

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a better pic of the optical mouse daddy bought for me.

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mouse is more true to this colour.

i brought my lappie and hello kitty to work the other day and my manager commented that i'm so girly haha.

am i? 0_o

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eating huge ass lolly to de-stress.

just when i thought that there were no visitors coming to our department...

i was caught with my earphones on, lolly in mouth and sitting crossed leg by my company's marketing manager, sales manager, financial controller and consultant.

some just stared. and faster walked on. others gawked.

data entry was boring la. i was just trying to make myself comfortable :(

anyways, tomorrow will be my HIGHLIGHT of the month!!

I'M FLYING TO PENANG!!!

BYE BYE STUPIID FILES AND EXCEL!!

i am delirious i tell you.

sun, sea, sand. a change of environment. a change of people.

*HAPPYGILER*

but the schedule is a bit tight...we'll be arriving at 10 and leaving at 3 on the same day.

HOW TO EAT MY CHAR KOAY TEOW!?!

i want my koay teow and asam laksa damn it.


even if i don't get those i want my air plane meal!!

khang purposely called just now to burst my bubble; short flights no meals :(

khang, i am getting my air plane meal kayyy!! i will demand for one or threaten the air hostess with my super sharp blue folder to cook me one haha wtf.

hungry until sot jor =.=

eve says i'm abit nonsense lately.

i NEED human interaction. uurrgh.

:(

3rd week into the job

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

10:17 PM | 5 Comments

i'm barely surviving.

my hands are numb now. i feel like a mummy with my hand movements restricted.

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this is how badly "wounded" i am just from filing *wails*
there's another cut on my ring finger but i ran out of plasters.

and this is only the left hand, wait until you see the right one.


i'm maintaining my right hand plaster-free for now because i can't afford to lose both hands at once!

my fingers can't move as quick as usual with all the band-aids tying them up :(

now i'm typing and holding my sterring wheel in a very cacat-ed manner. i look stupid.
i feel stupid.

it really hurts now because i can't plaster all the cuts and whenever my hands brushes on a surface i feel a stinging pain.

as if my poor fingers are being tortured and sliced by a blade.


IT FREAKING HURTS.


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my work station.
free of files because i chucked them away.
if you look closely you'll be able to see my lunch...i've been munching on them for the past few days.

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i filed everything inside them.
each consists about 25 files inside.
THAT'S LIKE A WHOPPING 300 FILES!!!!!
and there're still more files in the cupboard next to this.

filing has made me feel so brain dead.
my hands are bruised and filled with paper cuts now.
and today was the last straw...three weeks of clearing up all the back logs...and they just keep coming...
the moment the thick blue file sliced my thumb i froze.
blood started to trickle...then the pain came.
and then i crashed.

i can't take this anymore.

files are making me emo.

I'M EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE BECAUSE OF THESE IRRITATING BLUE PAPER FOLDERS!

damn you files for frying my brain.

i hate you.



thank you, eve, for calling the moment you sensed my distress... i was on the verge of tears when i heard your voice...i just miss all of you so much...



depressed @ 2.12 p.m






*******************************************************

edited:

this post was blogged during my lunch hour, i'm so deprived of interaction that i'm communicating through my blog now :(

thank you wurn, bi and sean for giving me my happy meal. it feels so good to see you peeps after so long.

i really needed a night out with my friends.

sulking all the way home, i found another surprise sitting on my laptop when i entered my room...


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KAWAAIIIIIIIII~!!!
a pink hello kitty usb mouse!

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on a very unrelated note, as promised from my previous post, a pic of my glowing logo with my blings blings!

anyways, two weeks ago, my parents and i went to 1u to catch a movie and we saw these really adorable usb mouses in a shop.

at that time i was particularly attracted to this one because it had hearts and flowers imprinted all over it! i was complaining to my dad about how my optical mouse at home was malfunctioning and i was considering of getting a new one.

but in the end i didn't get it because it costs about RM100...ridiculously pricey even for an imported mouse...

and daddy bought it for me today =)

even after 2 weeks, he remembered.

i love you daddy.

************

and as i was about to conclude this post my phone rang...i went out... and came back with a bag full of biscuits. meiji biscuits. a variety of them. my favourite biskees from jap.

all because i've been ranting that i have no more food to munch on in the office. and i told you that last week.


thank you...thank you all for brightening my day *hearts*

dear bed

Monday, June 1, 2009

8:57 AM | 6 Comments

you know how every little object in life contains a fragment of your memories?

like how an eraser would remind you of your silly childhood games,

an airplane would make you recall your dream to become a pilot,

or a keychain would bring back memories of how you first saved money to buy something for mommy.


my bed harbours memories of my childhood.


the bed i'm sleeping on now, it has been with me since primary school.

painted in a pretty shade of pink and white, it came with matching furnitures - a study table and a closet.

all in white with a little dash of pink to give it a girly look.

i remember the day we went shopping for them. dad and mom brought us both to choose our new bedroom furnitures. before that we slept on mattresses on the floor with my maid. and before that we had double-decker beds.

the place was filled with beds... and more beds. it was a playground for both of us. but i knew i wanted this set when we playfully sat at the table pretending we were studying. it just felt right.

they were perfect too, they came in two shades, pink and green.

so we bought them.

when i was young i shared a room with my brother. we kept each other company in the weirdest way.

throughout primary school we were both very lazy. major sloths. especially when it came to homework. so most of the time we'd spend the day out playing or watching tv and panick about homework when it's time to go to bed.

and then we started this weird habit...

of waking up at 1 or 2 am in the middle of the night when everyone was asleep to start on our homework.

i'd usually set the alarm and wake my bro up when it rings.
we would both scribble in our books until 3 a.m then we'd go back to bed. happy and contented.

when work got dull, we'd switch homeworks!
how cool is that? lol!

a 3rd grader attempting a 5th grader's homework while the 5th grader handles a 3rd grader's exercises.


how we survived primary school, i really don't know.


we used to fight alot too, nasty WWF moves from my brother. i hated wrestlers then. bah.

there was also a time when i was singing in the middle of the night cause i couldn't sleep and my bro was screaming for me to shut up.

i continued to sing every single song that zoomed past my mind,
until he threatened to punch me.

we annoyed the hell out of each other then.

but as we both grew older we had to switch rooms, that's when my bro shifted out and i started to share a room with my grandma.

the sibling set of furnitures had to part too.

and later on my bro moved on to college and stayed in a hostel.

i remained at home with my darling bed. i missed annoying him. i missed doing nonsense on sunday mornings and i missed the april fool pranks we pulled on each other early in the morning just cause it's stupid april fools.

it's funny now when i think back and imagine how it used to be. everything seemed to look so huge back then. now my closet is over-cluttered, i've outgrown my bed and my study table is so crammed it's used more as a storage than a table ever since i entered uni.

it's finally time to replace them.

their place will be taken over by a whole new set of furnitures, furnitures that i need now for my size...and my shopping capabilities *ahem-hem*

funny how we put sentimental feelings into objects around us.

it's the last week i'll be sleeping in my bed.

the bed that grew up with me,

the bed that kept me safe from harm,

the bed that gave me comfort and warmth when i needed it,

the bed that accompanied me throughout my tears and laughters all these years.

you've seen me at my worst,

you're still what i crave for every night when i come home.


so i sit here and look at you now,

and smile at the memories you help unfold.


About

animals. dancing. food. friends. shopping. travelling. all the things she likes. and everything about her.