Showing posts with label emo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emo. Show all posts

the first day after you left

Sunday, May 6, 2012

1:59 AM | 3 Comments

While you were busy packing, you asked me if I could help keep your towel after you're gone.

But today, as I stood in the toilet staring at the brown woolen towel next to mine...my hands felt so heavy by my side and I was reluctant to remove it from it's hanging place.

It's as if removing the towel means I have to accept that you have returned and I'm left here by myself again.

That even though you're a thousand miles away, having your towel here beside mine means having that little bit of you staying here with me.

And so I just stood there and stared, hoping that you were still here to use it, hoping that it would never have to leave the side of my towel...Just like how you and I will never have to part.

In the end, I just had to tell myself that it's just a towel, and I slowly placed it in with the laundry.

Just a towel.

That's how much I miss you now.


曾经向往的幸福

Saturday, February 18, 2012

7:32 PM | 0 Comments




那一年她爱上了他，她是一个优雅而漂亮女人，而他是个一无所有且懒惰的男人

朋友都不看好他们父母也说她这是用自己的幸福在赌。

交往后，他像变了个人似的奋发上进，若干年后他有了自己的事业和魅力，

她问他:你当年怎么会突然像变了个人一样，


他回答：你用一生幸福做赌注，我怎么舍得让你输。

another year

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

5:15 AM | 0 Comments

Who knew it would be so difficult to part again even if you've done it more than once in the past year?

This year, on the same day, I return to the airport again to be on the same flight back to Brisbane.

Only daddy and mommy came to send me off this time. And as I hugged her, my nose turned sour and I had to purposely avoid eye-contact with her after that to avoid bursting into tears.

I thought it would be easier this time, knowing that I'm flying back to a not-so-unfamiliar land, with my houssie waiting to pick me from the airport. But saying goodbye again for another year brought upon a different level of sorrow upon me.

I hate parting with my loved ones again. But perhaps it's also because I know exactly what I'm flying back to. That dreaded feeling of going back to something that I'm not even sure if I want it anymore. But I have to bear the results of my choices and I will finish what I've started even though I've grown to dislike it to quite an extent.


Who's there to tell you what to do when you suddenly realized what you've been going after is not what you want?


after the storm

Saturday, October 29, 2011

6:29 AM | 0 Comments

"Say no more. I love you."

... just what I needed to hear when I feel that words are failing and everything is spinning out of control.


Such simple words. Such strong emotions.

what have I done?

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

5:09 AM | 3 Comments

What have I gotten myself into.



I've been feeling extremely emo these few days.



I really think I'm in the wrong field.





How now?

a silent scream

Thursday, August 18, 2011

2:33 AM | 0 Comments







The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting

Could it be that we have been this way before

I know you don't think that I am trying

I know you're wearing thin down to the core







Don't worry I am not being emo. Just downloaded a new app on iPhone that does wonder to photo editing.



Add in a few words of emo song lyrics and voila!



Emo-ness you have :D

what breaks me

Saturday, August 13, 2011

12:46 AM | 0 Comments

"You're not here when I need you most" is the worst thing you can say to someone who's suffering from the same distance.

Surviving the distance

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

12:41 AM | 1 Comments





"Contrary to what the cynics say, distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough."



lose yourself

Sunday, May 29, 2011

8:58 AM | 0 Comments

No matter how much you try to run away from it,

your past will always come back to haunt you.


Until you find that one person who is able to accept you despite all your wrong doings and imperfections.


And until then you will feel all lost and alone. Struggling just to keep that bit of sanity with you.

That little bit that will help keep you alive.

just make a sound

Saturday, May 7, 2011

2:02 AM | 3 Comments

sometimes,

i would just stare at the damn phone and wished that it would ring.

realization

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

6:54 AM | 0 Comments

there was a time when i used to blog about anything and everything in my life,

i wanted to remember how my day went, which kind soul had bothered to help me, or what pissed me off and made me throw a fit.

and then i stopped.


maybe because there were just too many things i never wanted to recall again.

bad day

Sunday, March 6, 2011

5:07 AM | 3 Comments

the title says it all.

i woke up late this morning to do my laundry so when i finally finished and headed out the bus just passed the stop and i was about 150 meters away from it. some people would have suggested to dash and wave but i think it's a bad idea considering that i was in heels ( owh, which reminds me that my flats got flooded from the 24 hour rain the day before FML).

ended up walking extra 15 minutes to the train and walking another 20 minutes to church once i got off.

didn't really enjoy the service and shall not elaborate here haih.

after that i reached home only to find my laundry SCATTERED everywhere on the balcony and the highlight of it all was that some actually flew into my neighbour's backyard WTF. i immediately went down to retrieve the poor clothes but neighbour was out so i went back and saved whatever i could and dumped them into the machine again.

as i was waiting for my neighbour to return, i texted my friend and asked to skype but mana tau we ended up arguing and needless to say the conversation ended with both parties feeling upset and angry.

and now my room is filled with laundry that's overdosed with detergent because wanting to clean off the dirt i cleverly poured too much detergent into the washing machine.

FML.
FML.
FML.

waltz with me

Saturday, August 28, 2010

10:15 AM | 0 Comments

i wish you were here to dance with me now

it's so difficult to do this alone


when everyone is staring at you and scrutinizing you...you wish that someone would just take your hand and take the lead.

and all the steps will fall into place.


but i'm all alone twirling in circles now.


... how could one do this alone gracefully?

Letter to self

Monday, October 19, 2009

9:48 AM | 0 Comments

when the world betrays you and your self esteem sinks low,

it is important to remember all the little things around you that makes life beautiful.


i was told that it felt great to be greeted by my smile in the morning.

i have wonderful colleagues who will jump to my aid without me asking.

i was complemented on my effort. something i haven't felt after feeling unproductive for so long.


when negativity surrounds you and you feel like giving up,

all these little gestures are what it takes to help you move on.


i'm still healing... but i'm not going to give up on hope.


chins up girl. i <3 you.



love,
your silly self
xoxo

fallen

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

10:01 AM | 3 Comments

you broke me.

and i allowed you to.



and now i can't fix myself. i just can't anymore.

3rd week into the job

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

10:17 PM | 5 Comments

i'm barely surviving.

my hands are numb now. i feel like a mummy with my hand movements restricted.

Photobucket

this is how badly "wounded" i am just from filing *wails*
there's another cut on my ring finger but i ran out of plasters.

and this is only the left hand, wait until you see the right one.


i'm maintaining my right hand plaster-free for now because i can't afford to lose both hands at once!

my fingers can't move as quick as usual with all the band-aids tying them up :(

now i'm typing and holding my sterring wheel in a very cacat-ed manner. i look stupid.
i feel stupid.

it really hurts now because i can't plaster all the cuts and whenever my hands brushes on a surface i feel a stinging pain.

as if my poor fingers are being tortured and sliced by a blade.


IT FREAKING HURTS.


Photobucket

my work station.
free of files because i chucked them away.
if you look closely you'll be able to see my lunch...i've been munching on them for the past few days.

Photobucket

i filed everything inside them.
each consists about 25 files inside.
THAT'S LIKE A WHOPPING 300 FILES!!!!!
and there're still more files in the cupboard next to this.

filing has made me feel so brain dead.
my hands are bruised and filled with paper cuts now.
and today was the last straw...three weeks of clearing up all the back logs...and they just keep coming...
the moment the thick blue file sliced my thumb i froze.
blood started to trickle...then the pain came.
and then i crashed.

i can't take this anymore.

files are making me emo.

I'M EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE BECAUSE OF THESE IRRITATING BLUE PAPER FOLDERS!

damn you files for frying my brain.

i hate you.



thank you, eve, for calling the moment you sensed my distress... i was on the verge of tears when i heard your voice...i just miss all of you so much...



depressed @ 2.12 p.m






*******************************************************

edited:

this post was blogged during my lunch hour, i'm so deprived of interaction that i'm communicating through my blog now :(

thank you wurn, bi and sean for giving me my happy meal. it feels so good to see you peeps after so long.

i really needed a night out with my friends.

sulking all the way home, i found another surprise sitting on my laptop when i entered my room...


Photobucket

KAWAAIIIIIIIII~!!!
a pink hello kitty usb mouse!

Photobucket

on a very unrelated note, as promised from my previous post, a pic of my glowing logo with my blings blings!

anyways, two weeks ago, my parents and i went to 1u to catch a movie and we saw these really adorable usb mouses in a shop.

at that time i was particularly attracted to this one because it had hearts and flowers imprinted all over it! i was complaining to my dad about how my optical mouse at home was malfunctioning and i was considering of getting a new one.

but in the end i didn't get it because it costs about RM100...ridiculously pricey even for an imported mouse...

and daddy bought it for me today =)

even after 2 weeks, he remembered.

i love you daddy.

************

and as i was about to conclude this post my phone rang...i went out... and came back with a bag full of biscuits. meiji biscuits. a variety of them. my favourite biskees from jap.

all because i've been ranting that i have no more food to munch on in the office. and i told you that last week.


thank you...thank you all for brightening my day *hearts*

i hate this part right here

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

8:12 AM | 3 Comments

i hate that i'm being forgotten.

i hate that i'm so insecure.

i hate that i let you define me.

i hate that i feel so helpless when i'm alone.

i hate that every sense of happiness slips away so quickly after one day.

i hate that we can never reach a consensus.

lost. that's how i feel now.

bitter and lost.

an answer. is all i need.

just one word. to make me feel safe again.


i hate myself now.







... all we do is linger...
...slipping through my fingers...

letting go...eventually

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

9:28 PM | 6 Comments


因为太在意你， 结果失去了自己。。。
我决定放手了。。。让自己再呼吸

let me let go this time, will you? =)

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

now that i've got that off my chest, here's a little update about what i've been reading lately.


Photobucket

adorable sial right!??

i bought this book before i boarded the plane to aussie. thought it would make a good companion during sleepless nights or long bus rides but have only gotten about to read it after i got back.

the movie arrived in the cinemas earlier last month and i watched it before i read the book.

needless to say, i cried during the movies.

i started tearing before john even reached the part where marley collapsed for the last time in the book because i knew what was coming.

my heart thawed and i dreaded to flip to the next page.

the book is still on the table where i left it. it was difficult...but i've already braced through the part where he had to let marley go. next, would be chapters of loss and grief.


sigh.


we, humans, are surprisingly vulnerable when it comes to our pets.

i'm not sure if i have the courage to do the same when the time comes.

maxine has been with me for 5 years now...this year will be the sixth =/

when maxine first came i used to keep a diary to record her everyday activities, these were the first two entries...original and unedited:

"Nov 29, 2003, 3:31 PM

Bought maxine home on the 26th, little fella simply pee and poo make me mop the floor the whole day. At night that time she cried like there's no tomorrow and this continued for another night until my pa came up with a method to keep her quiet( just hit her house with a loud 'KONG" then she'll keep queit, at least for a while till she gets the message)

Now's the 3rd day maxine's been here. lil fella likes to explore everywhere and she learnt how to climb the stairs but doesn't know how to come back down.
her left hind leg is limping a bit. i'm afraid she might have hurt her leg when she tried to jump up and down the stairs.
Took her to the vet but the vet said that she's perfetly fine and asked me to observe her for another week. will be bringing her back to the vet for her 2nd jab next week.

Maxine also loves to sleep on my thighs or in between my thighs when i sit with my legs crossed, guess that she wants some body warmth. but most of the time she'll just sit on the marble floor, wonder if it's ok for her to sleep on something so cold?
and she loves to eat newspapers too, which i think is kind of like a big problem."


haha omg i can't believe i used to write like that when i was in form5!! and lol my dad used to "KONG" her...no wonder she doesn't like to sleep in the house =/

anyway, here's entry 2:


"Dec 1, 2003, 11:45 AM


Maxine finally peed at the right place!! wa....after all these days training her now i feel so proud. accidents still happen but whenever we sit beside the newspaper and say 'potty' she'll come over and do her 'business'.

later, i'm gonna bring the lil fella to have her 1st bath after a whole week! we couldn't bath her for a week cause the doc told us not to.

lil maxine still cries in the night. maybe cause she wanted to poo but she didn't wanna do it in her house. so tonight i might be camping downstairs with her so i can let her out to poo and put her back to sleep. hope this works cause my parents haven't been getting any sleep lately.

After being with her this few days, i found out that my lil fella has 4 type of modes:-

1st is the explore mode, she'll walk and climb all over the house and sniff sniff everywhere. Whenever she walks around she'll turn round n c if i'm following, then she continues running around.wonder wat this means? (hide and seek gua...)

2nd is the lick mode, she'll lick ANYTHING. toes, fingers, floors, carpets...u name it.hope all the licking won't upset her stomach though. especially licking floors...

3rd is the bite mode, she'll bite anything she walks into: fingers, toes, her own house, carpets. i think she might be changing her teeth so i gave her my teddy bear to bite.

last but not least- the sleep mode. Whenever she's sleeping NOTHING can wake her up, not even food. guess all the playing and exploring had worn her out.

the lil fella's sleeping downstairs now while i'm typing away hehe, better go check on her."


LOL!!
i was so noble i gave her my teddy bear to bite!! xD
the diary was written in the most simple and straight forward manner. makes me sound like some 3rd grader. iiisssshhh.

i posted the entries in a puppy forum and later on saved them into notepad files. these were the photos taken during then.

Photobucket

chang chang~!!
in case you didn't know, her full name is Maxine Chua Soo Chang.
yesh, she's family =)

Photobucket

she did this alot when she first came. now she's just too big to balance on my thighs lah. sad.

Photobucket

my teddy bear.


omg, i luuuuurve her to bits la. *sQuISSHHH*

i know the day will be inevitable...so i'll make sure that for now we will create many many happy memories together =)

lil fella is sleeping downstairs now, gonna go check on her ;)

flying solo

Sunday, March 1, 2009

5:59 AM | 4 Comments

i is leaving the country.

i is going to kangaroo land.

i is going to be very homesick :'(


i'll be flying alone to Sydney this coming wednesday... and i don't know when i'll be back... yet.


that's because i'm still undecided. haih.


it was initially a 10 day trip to Sydney but now missy is given a choice to go to Adelaide and Melbourne as well.


5-15th Sydney

15th-19th Adelaide

19th-22nd Melbourne


how ah?

do you think I'll make it without dashing home by the 15th cause I'm too homesick??


too many things have happened these few months, it makes me want to take refuge at home... but I've been looking forward to this trip for so so long.


everything also wrong timing eh? :(


i need the courage to step out...
so. badly.

night fall

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

7:53 PM | 0 Comments

it's midnight. the streets are dead.

not a sound in the air.

where are all the roaring engines and constant barkings?
everything is so still it scares me.

the fan and lights are off, it's so quiet that i can hear my grandma's steady breathing right next to me.

i turned and looked at the ceiling, focusing on the long dim lines casted by the street lamps.


nights like this makes me afraid to sleep alone.

i am tired but i can't drift off to sleep. my mind is blank and empty, yet it won't go to rest.
i feel so non-existant that it's as if i've blended into the silence of the night.


i am locked in a cage, there's nothing to distract me...there's no one to turn to.

long hours would pass before i could finally sleep.
but the thin ray of light that comes through my window would cause my eye lids to flutter and i would sigh at the sight of a new dawn.


it's another day.


and fear washes over me...as i know that night would come again.

About

animals. dancing. food. friends. shopping. travelling. all the things she likes. and everything about her.